Spencer Gordon is the author of three books: a collection of dramatic monologues, A Horse at the Window (House of Anansi Press, June 2024), the poetry collection Cruise Missile Liberals (Nightwood Editions, 2017), and the short story collection Cosmo (Coach House Books, 2012). Read more at his website, www.spencer-gordon.com.
Ten Things I Hoped My Third Book Might Do But Will Not Do
10. Purge the bad memories. If I learn the ghost’s secret name, I’ll take back control.
9. Help me be more than my job. I have a disciplinary meeting on Monday—up the Elevator of Slack, down the Corridors of Outlook, in the locked cabinets of Wage Labour.
8. Earn the critical attention of my peers. Or, failing that, their recognition. Or, failing that, the barest of acknowledgement. A goodbye at a party. A subtle wink in a room filled with smoke.
7. Allow me to stop worrying about the book, its quality and future. This was a meta hope.
6. Release my grip and let me make other things. How lovely it will be to look upon the draft—the one left unfinished and intolerable for over ten years—as a prodigal son, collapsing into my arms.
5. Improve my mental health (ha ha!). I see myself bald and sober as a dove, awake before the world, cooing into dawn’s rosy breastplate.
4. Justify the low nights, alone by the blue laptop, teeth grinding in the pandemic silence.
3. Give a present. A warm little gift, wrapped in skin and hair, in someone’s lap on an airplane.
2. Take revenge on my enemies. They should all swoon in anguish, hands on their hearts.
1. Let me forgive them.
Brockton Writers Series 